Why Men Don’t Cheat

Men are never at a point where we naturally want to be monogamous. Not many men can get to a point where they DON’T want to cheat. There are some, no, many which are just plain shallow and empty. Recognize that these will never be men and walk on by. There are also the men out there that are unfulfilled and others that are just plain unhappy. Many conversations and commentaries focus on why men cheat. I want to focus on what happens to make a man not cheat.

First and foremost he has to be a man! Fulfillment in all aspects of a relationship can make a man very happy and wanting more of that woman. The aspects are many and the scenarios are even more as the strokes are different for different people. A man must want to come home to what it is that makes his heart thump. This thing or these things will not be the same for every man and there must be a REAL understanding as to what this is! Simple Example: If football is his thing, make sure that you are able to support his thing. Don’t pretend to be into what he is into to have the rug taken from underneath his feet one day. Understand that WHATEVER his thing is, IS his thing. Men that don’t cheat tend to have women that understand that before any rings are exchanged. Contemplate truly if his thing can find a place in your life before committing to any relationship! I expect that there is enough imagination in each reader to know how to take the example and relate it to WHATEVER his thing may be.

Make his castle just that! Keep in mind the A king hardly leaves A castle and the peasants try everything to alleviate themselves of their surroundings. Kings subjects recognize this and consider it special to see him. Make the home the most comfortable place in the world for him to be in! Know when to be quiet and let him enjoy his castle. EVERYTHING is not worth arguing or talking about at that moment! Many cheaters get run into the street by the monster-wife/girlfriend residing in their home.

Men that don’t cheat view their significant other as an asset that appreciates with age instead of an investment that depreciates as it gets older. Be a house and not a car! Find out how you can make him better and help, not push, him into that direction with encouragement. We all want a woman who makes us a better man. Evaluate each year where you were and what you both did to make the other better in the last 365 days. Spinning our wheels with a women leads to nowhere! Pick him up after failure and give him the encouragement to try again to be successful instead of CRUSHING HIS DREAMS! There is another out there that will.

Understand that there are many women that have identified him as a man and they lie in wait on you to make mistakes with that man. Know what you have and act like you have what you have. Show him by action that you know what you have and you intend to make his life exciting enough that other women pale in comparison. Men love women that work out (We want an attractive women that other guys want), look good, behave with dignity, and know how to act according to the occasion. Her mind is open and she is strong enough to continue to be a girlfriend! Find a way to remember why you got together in the first place and keep it on your mind…ALWAYS!

Ultimately ALL men are conditioned to want to cheat. Men that don’t cheat really contemplate the worthiness of cheating and come to the “HELL NO” conclusion. We are not perfect but we do want to be able to want to go home and want to know that no other woman holds a candle to what I have at home, at least for me! ALL men don’t cheat. I promise you that. Men really want it all at home and can be happy if (2)the castle is right, (3)the woman knows what she has and acts like it, (4)she tries her best to look her best, and (5)she KNOWS what his thing is and respects and nourishes it. Number one for me is she has to have an understanding of God’s plan for her life and ours together. She must be able to embrace that and know both her and her man's places in that plan. I do understand that we all don’t believe the same thing and that one piece was just my most important.

If you know your man is happy, you don’t have to ask him. I could write about this one all day but it is a blog and I need to be brief.

When God sends you a MAN, Let him be the MAN!

I recently had a conversation with a very dear loved one about the man in her life. They were really having major problems regarding the direction of leadership in their rather new relationship. Her life wasn’t going in a prosperous direction and many mistakes had been made. Previously, she had been asking and praying to God to bring a man into the lives of her and her children. In the past she had dealt with adult children disguising themselves as men. These relationships always came to less than positive ends.

God answered her prayer and sent a man to her. This man was not without some damage and not without some issues, but, he was a MAN. HE had learned from his major mistakes and was in the midst of turning his life into something that he would be proud of…if only he could find a woman to grow with and grow for. He was now her protector in more than just the physical sense of the word. He wanted to also protect her from people and things that had caused his life to move toward self-created storms. She was too close to her own situation to see her mountains. Not knowing they existed prohibited her from trying to climb and overcome them. Ever wonder why you can’t see the warts on your own face? It allows others to be a part of your improvement!

In undue time, their relationship faltered! You see, what she asked God for maybe more than she was really ready for. A woman who has never had a MAN has a hard time recognizing and having one. She must learn to have a man. A man tends to do things that a woman devoid of a man is not used to. He may work to help her to remove things, people, habits, and practices that are detrimental to her life and existence. This is something that she will not be accustomed to. In her eyes she has done a good job at this before the man she so diligently asked for arrived. The proof is in her “great and wonderful life” before he arrived. If that works for you dear, keep doing what you will and stop asking for a man. With this man there will come positive change. This will be the indicator that this is the MAN that God has sent to you and for you.

In speaking of this woman who wants a man, those people that mean her harm will be reluctant to continue to be in her life, and those negative things that she held so dear will become wilted in the presence of a real man. When she is not ready for what she asked for she will only be able to see the MAN as attempting to “run” her. She will not be able to deal with his issues, as if she has none that he has to look past. She should not try to make him perfect, and he will deal with the issues that her past life has given to her that make her imperfect. Did you hear that? You are not perfect so do not act as if you are doing this man a favor by being in his life with ALL of your issues. Many times she has been doing a terrible job at running herself before his arrival. Her so called friends will be turned off at the sight and actions of a real man who really cares for her. God will answer your prayers! Just make sure you are ready to have them answered.

I told my loved one that she needed to remember that what is for her is for her. This man is not for the enjoyment, support, or approval of your “friends”. You know if he is leading you and your household in the direction in which it needs to proceed. YOU KNOW! God never promised you that it will be perfect. It usually is not perfect for you see the MAN that he sends NEEDS you also. Have you ever thought that God placed him with you for his own good as well as yours? Bring God’s plan to demise at your own peril. When you drop to your knees again to ask God for a “good man” again, really think about the possibility that you had him already. Did you do your part to make him all he could be? Did you think that maybe you were the answer to his request of God? God’s plans work for the good of ALL things not just your things. Be a part of the plan and be ready for what HE sends to you. Just as well, be better prepared to be a good steward of what he send to you to nurture and improve and to help…That MAN!

Be careful to not miss the message because you dislike the messenger

In this life things are quite often not what they may seem. Death is not always the taker of life but can sometimes be the giver of new life and inspiration. Freedom can be a burden to one who has been incarcerated physically or mentally. Sudden great wealth can create a longing for the simpler days of less responsibility and less dependence. It is said the inventions are created because of necessity and not always because of idealistic capitalism.

In all that I previously stated there were messages that could potentially be hidden from the unclothed thought. I learned some time ago that a message is just that, a message. I have gotten a wealth of intuition and knowledge from messages that other people have forsaken because of its source. My father taught me as a youth to LISTEN intently to what ALL people say. “You don’t want to miss the message of even a fool. Even the message of a fool has some power and in not hearing it you lose your power.” This was one of his many teachings to me. I know that many of my contemporaries miss vital messages from friend and enemy because they hate the deliverer or the circumstance.

Have you ever thought about the change in history had the right people been listening, instead of ignoring, when Hitler first became a public figure. How much can we learn about ourselves by listening to the way our so called enemies perceive us? Do you really believe the Devil got to be powerful because of his ignorance to God’s messages and ways? Is everything that an enemy says about you wrong, really? I think that careful introspective looks into ones existence can provide a window into what needs to be changed. For some people placing a message in a book is the best way to make sure it lives a clandestine life. Countries that hate one another have learned that listening precisely to the meassages of their enemies gives great power. Spying, is what their enemies call it. To the country that is doing the listening, it is called INTELLIGENCE.

I have watched as people pay more attention to the Pastor than the message. I shutter when thinking about the wonderful messages that Tupac Shakur’s music disseminated when I think of all of the people that will never hear his voice. Why, because they did not like him or hip-hop. The same can be said about the beautiful music that the Beatles made, many of it missing those that love hip-hop. The messenger is never important. It is always about the message. The message from those that you hate is as important and sometimes more important than the message from those that you love. Be very careful to open up your ears, mind, and heart to those things that make you uncomfortable. In doing so you will intellectually and emotionally learn how to accept or reject the rhetoric from others. Most importantly you will learn to reinforce your arguments and organize your thought instead of raising your voice in ignorance. Sometimes tragedy births opportunity. Make sure you are able to see it coming. Be careful to not miss the message because you dislike the messenger.

I AM APATHY

I grow with no nurturing, love, or support, I prey upon the condolences of the beaten-down and betrayed.
I am hated by the efficient, yet that encourages the pain I bring.
Those that embrace me have little idea that I even exist and prosper in the light of their own darknesses.
I move backwards as I stand still, I am endured by races of people against the hopes of their most distinguished and decorated.
I am the lover and encourager of deeds that produce nothing, I am the prosperous time-taker.
I am the seeker of life light, the extinguisher of small bright flames, I am the deceiver of those in servitude.
I am the distinct enemy of development. I am the ghost of the vote
I call myself apathy!
I was there in the wasteland of ideas, I am present in support of those that talk loud and say mostly nothing
I am the sponsor of non action, the liberator of wasted resources.
I call my offspring and decedents derogatory names and hasten their demise with alibis and justifications for makeshift.
Your life is not your own when you subscribe to my popular philosophy
I call myself apathy!
I excuse my minions from all political thought, processes, and genuine know-how
I truly love that others will get’r done and keep a large measure of control of my subordinates
I know what I don’t know and that’s cool with all that I know. I have no need for understanding or knowledge
Leave that to those other folk
I march on to a solid existence of true ineptitude and squander my childhood passions because of what they say
I see no skill around me, maybe because I make sure all of my eyes remain shut
I see no good, speak no good, and, Jah, God, Jehovah, Allah, forbid, do no good…what good would it do?
I call myself apathy!
Who will move me?
There are no brave souls that will identify me. To afraid to be called out you know
Teachers allow me at their beheast for many of their kind embrace and entertain me
Parents welcome me while telling them THIS IS IT!
I am apathy and you need to know me too!
You see I must ensure that the apathetic masses remain with me. It is what feeds the world that moves around the wrong way!

Trennan E. Gamble

Is your child hanging with the wrong crowd, or is your child THE WRONG CROWD?

Ever really think about who the “wrong crowd” is? We hear often that someone was hanging out with the wrong crowd, or that someone’s child started associating with the wrong crowd and this was instrumental in the social behavior declination. My mother even told me to watch the crowd and company you keep, she told this to all of her six children. My father did the same. In fact, I am sure that every parent worth their weight in a pile of trash has expressed this to their dear children, nieces, nephews, cousins, and grandchildren. This is sage advice and it usually comes from experience. I know this to be great advisement, believe me!

When my mother was expressing this to me, I wondered who and where this crowd was. You see, she never gave me any specifics about this “wrong crowd” that I was to avoid.She really never gave me any names. It would have been instrumental in my development and oh so less stressful in avoiding issues if I knew, by name, the personalities in the “wrong crowd”. Many people, many problems, anonymous villains. I have a real issue with this.

You see, no one wants their child to be the “wrong crowd”. Delinquency in youth is often disguised as cute. Let’s repeat that… Delinquency in youth is often disguised as cute. She is so cute dancing to “Back that thang up”. He is so cute trying to sag his pants, or gangster walk, or screaming “white power”. Often parents that ARE themselves the “wrong crowd” encourage this behavior. The greater problem is that no one tells them that they are the “wrong crowd”. I can remember in my military days my sister got into a bit of trouble. My mother called me and told me that she had taken in with the “wrong crowd”. Although no parent wants to hear this, I told my mother that my dear sister WAS the “wrong crowd”. This seemed to be a revelation to her and not something she was prepared to confront. I have been one who always felt that acknowledgement of an issue is 1A in bringing a resolution to that issue. I thought that I was doing my mother a favor in letting her know that her child was the one that other people warned their children to stay away from.

Like almost any parent, she did not want to receive this. By not bringing this to the light and dealing with it, a monster was created. This monster still desires much attention in our family. Many times parents ignore the 1 ton elephant in the room. I hope you realize that everyone else notices it and they smell the stench as well.

Please recognize if your child is the “wrong crowd”, recognize if you are the “wrong crowd”. Try your best to deal with the issue head on because the fight is one that is well worth having and it will be an arduous battle. The enemy, whatever it may be, is strong as well as being up for the battle. If you do not deal with the elephant it will grow, and grow, and grow, and there will be no more room in the house for others to visit you. It will be just you and the 5 ton elephant in the room! Is your child the “wrong crowd”?

I am not a smoker, but I AM mad that the government is telling me I can’t

Whatever happened to adults making adult decisions for themselves? Why have we so readily conceded and accepted the new “nanny state”? I am not a smoker nor do I ever aspire to be one. I happen to think the addiction/habit to be disgusting and vile. I also happen to think that adults should be able to determine if they want to smoke or if they agree with me. The fact that so many municipalities have banned smoking in bars and clubs is just too ridiculous to me. I thought these were the places you went to exercise your right to legally engage in behavior of the adult nature. Not a place where our “new parents’ could still shake a finger at us.

Why do so many smokers have to be subject to banishment because one idiot doesn’t like it or feels it is unhealthy for them? If you feel that way, I have a quick solution…DON’T PATRONIZE OR WORK IN THE ESTABLISHMENT!!! I happen to be a person who fails to see the enjoyment in filling ones lungs with the poisons that lead you into pain and death, so I purposely navigate away from establishments that cater to that crowd. Novel idea, right! I also enjoy the fact that they can choose to smoke if they wish to in a place where other smokers converge. The promise of this being a free nation and the thought that your adult directives not come from the government is quickly eroding. We are in the midst of teaching our children that they are no longer responsible for their actions, the government is. In that, we are also teaching them that we no longer have the will or the capacity to raise them morally and sensibly. We just quit…thinking that is!

Be really careful about the power you give to the office of Presidency, for your candidate will not occupy it forever. The power remains with the office and gets to be better exploited by the next person calling 1600 Pennsylvania home. I really hope people contemplate this as it concerns all offices all the way down to their elected dog catcher. Things done “for the good of the public”, should be critically studied before they are accepted. They should also be carefully monitored with a way to ultimately undo the deed when such a need arises.

I am very critical of knee-jerk reactions that spawn governmental interference with our lives. The killers of James Byrd should get the death penalty because of the murder of a man and because of the manner in which it was carried out. I don’t want the government to insult me by HAVING to consider the death penalty because it was a hate crime. What will happen when these same laws are used on a black person who has a career of victimizing other black people? Is his next crime considered a hate crime? Better question, what happens when that career criminal African –American commits a murder against a white person…and get this…all of his previous victims were, wait for it…WHITE! How many brothers will be locked up for hate crimes in the next 20 years? I wonder. I am not a conspiracy theorist; I am just one brother who tries to think it all the way through before reacting!

Sometimes the solution IS the problem

The world is not designed for everyone to be successful. As cruel as this sounds, there is a need for victimhood. Victimhood creates industry for those that want to sale products and services. If everyone did things the right way, I feel pretty sure in saying that most people reading this would be devoid of a reputable career. We all need screwups, wrongdoers, advice-ignorers, and just plain unproductive people. Our own screwups, as well, create jobs for others. Do you really believe EVERY doctor wants you to practice healthy eating habits, exercise daily, and practice Tai chi chuan? Have you ever thought about the fact that judges are lawyers too? And you thought your simple indiscretion could be easily handled with ONE court date.

With this being true of us all, there are also those that generally don’t want to get it right. For these people, fixing their issue would be the problem. Everyone is not really looking forward to living a stress-free existence. Some people like being in, around, or a contributor to confusion. They like drama. It is up to the service renderer to determine if the person or persons receiving your service, knowledge, advice, council, resources, and time are redeemable or a person with whom drama will continue to find fertile ground.

You see, these people are not interested in your solution. What they are interested in is your attention, time, and resources. You continue to expend all of the above and you start to believe that maybe, juuust maybe, your approach is their issue. It is! You have to let some people either reach their bottom or live in their own self imposed sentence of heartache. You can’t help them all, I’ve tried!
Did you really believe that in a world of 6 billion people Olive Oil could not find a way to stop running into to Brutus? I don’t think that poor Popeye ever realized that stopping Brutus from harassing her would be the real issue. He just kept downing more and more spinach to get her out of her latest predicament. Funny how some youngsters now call money spinach. Saving career victims from their adversaries can create THE problem. It gives them nothing to blame and many of them can’t have that!

Often your attempts to reconcile their issue instead of feeding it are met with disdain and name calling. Have you ever heard these?

You are not better than me.

You forgot where you came from

Everybody aint like you

Or the best one….I will do it later(fix the issue)

You must decide if each issue is worthy of your continued effort or if you need to stand away and be there when the person really needs you to help them help themselves. You can’t fix everyone or every problem, but you can start by fixing the way you handle your service, knowledge, advice, council, resources, and time as it pertains to a revolving issue…think about it!

There are those among us who continue to have the EXACT SAME issue all the time, even when all other players and factors are interchanged. They remain the common denominator. Different mate, same problem. Different job, same problem. Different child, same problem. Different place of worship, same problem. Different neighborhood or house, same problem. Different WHATEVER.....SAME PROBLEM!

Some people don't want to be saved, they just want the attention that comes from chronically being the victim.