What ever happened to good old fashioned MEN?

It used to be that there were very noticeable differences between the sexes. Your sons did things that boys did and your daughters did things that girls did. Remember your aunts and uncles saying, “Boys stay with boys, Girls stay with girls.” Okay, maybe that was just in my family, but anyway. The times have moved us toward the dissipation of the lines that once helped us to place individuals in proper sexual perspective. To me, this is not a good thing.

A boy in skinny jeans wearing earrings in both holes and carrying European carry-alls is rather contemporary, yet new to me. Young ladies sagging, wearing fitted caps and playing middle linebacker at the local high school is something, I guess, I will need to get used to. Households are starting to show the signs of the man being away. In the natural order of things a man serves as the protector, guide, and leader of the home or pack. The lack thereof is catapulting our society into something more akin to an unnatural state of being. This may be something that is desired by non-traditionalist or those that would oppose nature in Her wisest of ways.

Imagine an animal kingdom where the male lion decided that he would no longer lead his pack, or the queen bee deciding she would relinquish her duties to move on to something that made her happier. The natural order of the collective would surely be thrown into generations of confusion, if they survived. This is what has happened to our human world, particularly in the USA and especially in the African-American community. The natural state of things is not as it should be.

Young men are told that they can no longer be too active or rambunctious. Rambunctious used to be a natural state of the untrained boy. Now it dictates he needs drugs. Men are told that we can no longer become angry, when controlled anger is what has kept our families safe and secure for generations. The Father’s discipline is disallowed and replaced with government controlled diagnoses that lead pharmaceutical investors to enjoy lofty retirement benefits. We are now told that we are no longer allowed to teach our sons how to deal with bullies and we must now “report” our issues to the bureaucrats that do no more than catalog and document for further pontification. Your home can no longer be protected lest you become the prisoner of the new laws.

Men are reduced to being parts of the whole instead of leading the whole out of danger and darkness. Was not this great national identity of ours to stand up to bullies, even for others that are less powerful than us? Were we once, as men, made of tougher things than we currently consist of? Were we once that ones that were looked up to by our sons and daughters as examples of what they should be and seek in their years toward self sufficiency?

What happened to the man that did it by the sweat of his brow and took no handout that was not paid back with interest? Where did the men that protected their OWN neighborhood go to? Why is it that the gangsters and pedophiles no longer fear the man of the house? Is he really gone never to return? Not many men even tend to their own yards anymore, or change their own oil and spark plugs.

I am thankful that my father produced a son that never looked past him to give me guidance to stop others from bullying me. I am glad that he taught me that I was responsible for protecting the Gamble kids that live in Katy, Texas. I am glad that he made me push the lawn mower and hold the light on cold nights when the starter needed to be changed. I am thankful that he told me that I have no right to complain if I refuse to be part of the process. Thank you God that my father was the first to teach me to shoot a gun, to stand and be counted, to open my mouth and get fed, to lead from the front, to be the man of my household, to analyze with great scrutiny the solutions of others and to stand straight up with ten toes pointed forward and proclaim I am a MAN. It is exactly what I will teach my son.



I love you sister but you need to stop using me as an excuse for your failures!

Behind almost every good man is a good woman driving his success or behind most bad men are women supporting their failures. Often that woman may be a mother, aunt, wife, or girlfriend. This is easily recognizable by his words and actions. No man can forgo his good blessings and deny that this is so. We understand that the rock that we anchor ourselves to has our faith or lack there of and a strong angel or powerful demon attached. Usually that angel/demon is a female. We love you ladies with all of our heart and all of our souls as well as with our resources, but you have to stop blaming us for all of your shortcomings!

I hear and read about women that are stuck in neutral because of some bad experience or relationship with a person of the opposite gender. I am often left asking why this is. It is as if some women are hard-wired to seek out the worst among us so that they may have wonderful excuses for their ineptitude. He broke my heart so I have to remain bitter for the rest of my existence, He will not take care of his child so I cannot move forward. He is in jail so I have to retard my progress in life to support his incarceration; all of the good men are married or gay. So many excuses and so little guidance from the older generation are frankly hurting the next batch of men that are brought up by single mothers.

First of all, you chose him usually knowing his shortcomings and with open eyes looking at his horrible future. Did you not think that he would try to make you a part of his plan? Again, behind almost every good man is a good woman driving his success or behind most bad men are women supporting their failures. Did you really do your part to drive his successes? This was the man you chose right? I would wager your choice was not to help him fail in life, right?

You cannot expect that every man that you meet will be a Prince. There are many frogs that need to be kissed. The issue is that many of the frogs are getting more than kisses. I think it is high time that the focus be put on the learned lesson achieved from negative experiences and relationships. ALL LESSONS COST YOU SOMETHING! It is important that you do not let the lesson cost you your dignity; it is often the last thing you have left to sell and ironically the most costly. Funnier still is that the dignity that is so costly usually is given at a cheap price and the stock on it never again rises.

I would love to see more women passing on the knowledge learned to the next generation of ladies. I would hate for my daughters prospects in life to be limited by her mother’s excuses and complaints about a man. I would hope that she would be taught that she succeeded and survived despite the fall. Her story would say that there are good men out there; they just want a good woman. Despite your experiences, are you a woman that a man with choices would choose to date? Have you overcome instead of being overcome? Have you exposed your sores to the world or did you clean, bandage, and work diligently to heal them.

I don’t want to date a woman with stab wounds still open from her last fight, oops I mean relationship, sorry. I really don’t want to hear her excuses and stories about her “baby-daddy’s sorry ass”. I want to know that she was resilient enough to not let any of that stop her and that she can get past the pitfalls of life. That is a woman that I would want to find, date, and spend the rest of my life with. Often in the animal kingdom only the strongest and most resilient get to pass on their seed. If only human beings were the same way!

Move on past the bad and talk no more about it unless you are educating another about getting past it and prospering in life. Too many times have I watched the life being sucked out of young women because no older woman would let her know that the stop sign in her life meant to look both ways before crossing and not to cut the car off and park. We need more sisters to get this across to them, REAL TALK.



Did desegregation really work out for Africa-America? Not so much for my hood!

Imagine if you will the neighborhood that I come from. It is sometime between 1930-1960 in 5th Ward Texas. The area is bustling with growth, home ownership, trailblazing good schools, doctor’s offices, dentist offices, printing plants, photography studios, many entertainment venues, professional people, and little crime relative to today’s onslaught. There are current prominent people as well as those that would make their mark on the world that are proud to call it home: Julia C. Hester (Hester House namesake), Barbara Jordan, Ruth Simmons(The very first black president of an Ivy league school), Mickey Leland, Joe Sample, George Foreman, Lester Hayes, A.K. Kelly(Kelly Courts namesake), and Lightnin' Hopkins to name a few. If you grew up with me I am sure you could easily add a member of your family to this list.

Jensen drive was the place to be on the weekend. Many Negro artists would come to Fifth Ward to entertain, not Houston but Fifth Ward. People expected their children to do well and the community did well as a result. You got fruit on Jensen and Collingsworth, your shoes were fixed on Collingsworth and 59, you swam at Finnegan or Tuffly, and kids would ride bikes from Jensen to the railroad and Clinton to Collingsworth, then came the integration of the 1960’s.

Many residents moved away to pursue other opportunities. With this came the deterioration of the fabric of life that was pre-1960’s 5th Ward. Crime started to rise, families fell into states of unrest and the “hood” became notorious for being one of the most crime-ridden and financially retarded areas in the nation. This can be said about many predominately African-American areas that were prosperous before integration. Travel this country into old Africa-America and there are still people behind that have the oral history, the American Griots if you will. They watched their culture strive and build when insulated and watched it water-down and leave behind the have-nots when emancipated from integration. Did we really want to start to look out for number one in the 60’s? Did we discontinue being our brother’s keeper and becoming integrated soloist as a result of the good fortune of integration? Were we integrated when we really wanted an end to desegregation?

The world may be better as a result of integration but areas like the area that I grew up in are far worse. These areas were left behind. The Fifth Ward was a place where everyone took care of me as a child. I knew the entire neighborhood and they knew my family. They made sure that my family knew what I was doing and where I was doing it at. This works if your family responds appropriately to the intelligence. Now the yards of many of the people that took care of me are overgrown with weeds, the homes are boarded up or gutted, the city rarely maintains their part since the taxes collected from this area are far less than other less forgotten, more prosperous areas of the city. Buildings that were once vibrant with commerce or entertainment life are abandoned, the area bounded by Collingsworth, Russell, Liberty Road and Jensen Drive that was proudly once known as  French Town has been absorbed into the rest of the neighborhood as it lost its rich Louisiana-Creole/Catholic identity. People now walk down Collingsworth as if there is no urgency in their steps, almost as if they are seeking something that has been lost.

Desegregation helped many of us to get to where we are today; it also played a part in us forgetting where we come from. Many are reluctant to remember the history and the vibrancy of what was ours alone. It was when we didn’t commercial our culture or have a lack of color on our album covers and in our videos. We were once proud to be from the Fifth Wards of the world because it meant you came from good stock. Now many look down to those remaining as if they just haven't made it out yet. We were once happy to go down to Jensen Drive for the concert. We were once asking only that you desegregate, not integrate…we could handle that part. We are losing our own and clutching what belongs to someone else in our unfocused and unconscious effort to let our history die. There was once a time when other people copied us, now our young men wear skinny jeans and speak proudly of getting white-boy wasted. If the jewels of Fifth Ward could see us now!

Conservative and Black, yeah that’s what I am

Sojourner Truth, P.B.S Pinchback(twenty-fourth governor of Louisiana and the first African-American governor of a U.S. state), Eldridge Cleaver, Frederick Douglass, Alveda King, James H. Meredith(the first African American student at the University of Mississippi), Rod Paige(seventh U.S. Secretary of Education), Colin Powell, Hiram Rhodes Revels(first African-American Senator), Condoleezza Rice, Michael Steele(chairman of the Republican National Committee), Lynn Swan(former NFL receiver and Hall of Fame member), Peter Boulware(Super Bowl Champion Linebacker), Booker T. Washington, Ida Bell Wells-Barnett(co-founder of the NAACP), Wallace Jefferson(chief justice of the Texas Supreme Court), Karl Malone, Jimmy Walker(J.J. from Good Times), T.D Jakes, Sheryl Underwood, Richard Parsons(CEO of Time Warner),and Don King to name a few.

This list represents the great diversity in thinking that is our community. I count myself a conservative (no secret to those that know me). I will not use this moment in this blog to proselytize the merits of conservatism. I will say that my belief system dictates that I should pick up the banner of conservatism as opposed to liberalism. I deeply believe in personal responsibility and in the social norms that are driven by the churches that have sustained the African-American community through many trials and tribulations.

I respectfully honor those that believe differently and will in any way defend their right to believe as they shall. This is more of a glance into the forgotten history of the African-American. By nature we are a conservative people. Although our actions are often contrary, we hold vast conservative views. We believe in the sanctity of marriage, we believe in personal responsibility, we believe in handling our own affairs, we believe that the power belongs to the people and that the government is an employee of ours. On many issues we are more conservative than most of America. Being able to believe as I do is what really makes this country great.

Personally, I am a black conservative that believes in black nationalism, I believe that any two people can enter into marriage(it’s not my business what two consenting adults do in the eyes of the law), I believe that reparation need to be paid, and I believe that abortion is an issue between a person and their God.

I also believe that excuses are worn out tools to build monuments of nothing (thanks Mrs. Clara Bailey for that one). I find great fault in those that have many excuses for many things. I believe that the government should be small to govern well. I believe that a man that can and does not labor should not have a seat at the dinner table. I believe that you are your best friend and your worst enemy, suppress one and nurture the other and your life will pay the price or reap the reward. I believe that this country is the greatest in the world. People are dying to get in and no one is even yelling to get out. Patriotism, Nationalism, traditionalism  and capitalism are essential for our lives and prosperity to mesh into success.

I join the long line of black folk that were able to leave the herd and think independently. I am a black conservative and damn proud of it. When you think about it, are you?



Some of my favorite links and some websites that I am proud to be a member of:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Black_conservatism_in_the_United_States

http://blackgop.ning.com/

http://hiphoprepublican.com/

http://www.blogger.com/goog_1613878626





http://blogtalkradio.com/TheBlackSphere

The greatest thing to take into a relationship: The ability to walk away!

In growth there is change. This change is subtle yet extreme. Every organism that exists is hard wired to put forth it’s the best effort toward attracting a mate. What you see to attract you is often the very best of what attracts you has to offer. Of course this is not always true as some things and situations improve with time, when the minor issues are ignored, most don’t! What you see is often what you get. Unfortunately, many times we neglect to analyze what it is our eyes actually see.

We ignore the disgusting habits that will slowly rip the interwoven cloth of a relationship. In blind love or lust we try to achieve some other unstated goal that will at best blow away with time. You ignore the spending because most of it is on you. You ignore the horrible cooking because she is really attractive and it’s not that great an issue…now that is. You try not to give too much attention to the way he treats other women in his life because he doesn’t do that to you (or any other woman in the beginning). You ignore the lack of ambition because the other person has money for now. You pay little attention to the fights and arguments because the makeup is pretty awesome. As time continues to move, the things that you ignored have matured and now they desire ALL OF THE ATTENTION.

The issue with this is that the maturation of these issues was fed by your lack of ability to walk away. Now that these issues have reached adulthood, other parts of the relationship have taken your power of choice away. Mentally, financially, psychologically, and sometimes physically you have completely woven yourself into a person or situation that analysis could have proven the wrong move for your life. You have not the mental makeup to move on, you have not given enough attention to your finances to be able to leave a very bad situation, you have not psychologically prepared your life for separating yourself from a doomed relationship, or you have not physically taken care of yourself enough to feel that you can attract another.

I have always told my wife that she needed to be in a position where she could take care of herself and her personal situations without me. I have made it my point to help her get there. You see I like the fact that she wants me to be in a relationship with her much more that she needs me mentally, financially, psychologically, or physically. I have no idea what is in store for me around God’s next corner and I have always had a need for her to be able to handle things without me.

Some people find comfort in their thinking that their significant other cannot be prosperous in life without them. Some people love that they have beaten their other half down psychologically or mentally. It gives them the ability to abuse the situation. The perfected situation that allows one to have extra-relation activities is the feeling that your significant other has no other place to go. It is the perfect storm for an abusive and adulterous situation. Having more children than you can afford, lacking a skill and knowledge, being fiscally ignorant, and creating ungodly and unnecessary debt are just a few circumstances that can cause one to feel they are tied to very bad situations and even worse people.

My wife maintains the ability to walk away from our relationship. I would have it no other way. It is, in part the engine that drives me to be a better spouse, friend, father, and lover. I know that she does not need to be there and that sends me to the gym, keeps me constantly looking for ways to advance in my career, it also lets me know that someone else would love to step into the situation and take advantage. I am not going anywhere! The greatest asset that she has to keep me a great partner is her ability to leave my foolishness behind; therefore, I try my best to make sure I act according to the way a man is supposed to.

Keep the division of duties between Men and Women DIVIDED!!

My wife and I once had a spirited discussion about me helping with the laundry. I am not opposed to helping with the laundry nor am I a Neanderthal of a man, but this really bothered me. You see there should be, in my opinion, a clearly bolded line that defines the separation of duties in a relationship. It helps to maintain order, it helps to teach children about our cultural definitions, and it helps in nurturing an ambiance of blissful division and cooperation.

You see women are fairly quick to ask for help as it involves the duties that are traditionally that of the female, yet they are curiously taken aback when approached for help in the duties that are befitting their male counterpart. I am often asked to help cook, clean, wash dishes and clothes, iron, fold, and even mop and wax at times. Let me state again that I have NO problem with these duties. After all, it is my abode as well. The problem begins when it is time to divide what are traditionally my duties. I get no help cutting the lawn, weed eating, changing tires and oil, grilling, cleaning the garage, cleaning the house (Hardy Plank and brick as per the Homeowners Association), there is no help with mending the fences, scrubbing patio furniture, washing vehicles, or cutting and hauling the firewood. No one helps me to clean the fireplace or chimney; I am alone in mulching and planting, etc.

You see the duties need to be divided more evenly and the responsibilities shared across the board, if this is the way it is to be. When the lines get blurred I receive no benefit, only more responsibility and duties. As a man you are expected to do all of the “manly” things and at times wash some dishes, cook some meals, and fold some clothes. If you are not willing to do this you are described as one who, “doesn’t help around the house”. What about my help? What about my assistance? Can I define her as the one who is not helping around the house?

The story goes like this: My wife and I were in the bed one night after having that spirited discussion about the equitable division of our duties as they are traditionally known. I expressed to her the importance of what I do around our home and how it contributes to the welfare of our investment as well as our lives together. She disagreed. At this I told her that we were going to split all of the duties down the middle, women’s liberation style. She continued to try to make her point and convince me of the merits of her view. About an hour later she shook me awake because she thought she heard something downstairs. She said quietly, “Trent, I think I hear something downstairs. You need to go see what it is!” I turned to her and sleepily replied, “ I went last time, it’s your turn.” Let’s keep it real and divided people. You cannot want to be treated as an equal and also want me to open your door. Choose what you will be and stop confusing us.

STOP calling EVERYONE your friend!

If you are blessed, lucky, and charmed you may be able to count one person as a friend. I was taught as a young man that you don’t really have friends but a great many associates. My parents made sure to let me know how these were different. In elaborating, my father would say, “Son, if you find yourself fortunate you will have a friend in this world.”

What he told me later is that you will not find that you have that friend until some drastic action weaves its way into your world. I was told that these actions would serve to let me know who my friends were really and who my associates were. Of course I thought this was a bunch of crap from a person whose bitter experiences were singing their misery into the ears of my youth. I thought that he knew nothing of my “friends” and they were my boys. Just because his friends turned out to disappoint him was no reason for me to accept or expect the same lot in life. I had friends and we would be friends forever, through thick and thin.

What he didn’t tell me was that I would have to experience the shortcomings of my own judgments and the frailness of the character of most people to know exactly what he was speaking of. This advice was indeed truthful and needed. I learned that everyone is your friend when you have something to give but you are truly lucky if you have ONE when you have nothing to give but yourself and you are in need. You are truly blessed if you can count more than one person when, not if, such shortcomings call your name.

How many “friends” do you really have that would visit you in prison, How many would really give you refuge when you have no other place to turn and no means of gaining resources to secure said place? How many would share their last with you? How many would really tell you the truth about yourself? How many would give because they love you and not expect anything in return?

I suspect that most that read this piece believe they have more than one person that would do one or more of these things for you. They will…in theory, but most will fail in test! Friendships are always eventually symbiotic in nature. The basis of this is never material. Traits that make true friends are never tangible. They are always things that you cannot go into Macy’s and purchase.

That friend is the one that hold’s your hand when you don’t realize you need someone to grasp it. It is that person that tells you, and not the world, that you are screwing up and on the path to a negative destination. It is that person who knows what can hurt you the most but never speaks about it. It is the person that will physically fight you to save your own life. It is that person who gives when you need before you have to ask!

Everyone is your friend at the funeral of your loved one, but who was there when that loved one was sick. Everyone is your greatest and oldest friend when you find success, but who was there encouraging you when others thought you were in over your head? All are friend when you wear Versace and Gucci, but who was shopping at Target and Wal-Mart with you? All of your friends will show up at your premier party, who was there at Denny’s after that show in Palestine, Texas when you played in front of 15 people in the audience?

You see friendship is a true blessing that can only be secured under the extreme pressures of life. Like diamonds, it becomes beautiful under hot and dire circumstances and it is almost indestructible. A friend is a person you disagree with, this tells you that they love you enough to be truthful and they know that your bond is stronger than seeing things differently. The next time you find yourself in a dire situation and there is no publicity to be gained and you have nothing left to give, take a good look around you and all of your associates will be gone…only friends remain.