I do understand that love and lust are many times blind, but do not confuse the two with justice (which should be blind). In the first 365 days of your courtship you are in awe of whatever that thing is that has you most smitten by your interest. In this awe our simple common sense seems to escape us. This is especially true of women. Often you are in bliss and oblivious to the blatant statements of “dirty dog”, or “bum”, or “lazy bastard” that he puts out for everyone to see…..that is, except YOU. If he was married, you usually knew this but chose to ignore it because of some other temporary bliss you are feeling. It won’t last.
Stop being blinded by the “makeup” and notice what his face really looks like. Give yourself some time to get over the bliss and come down to the reality of : Does he love God, How does he treat those which he claims to love the most(his children and his mother), Where does he spend his money(this is where his heart really is), Who are his friends and are they good people, What are his future plans for his life? This simple approach would help people avoid many disastrous life choices. The greater fault, to me, lies with the older women that know this and do not share this with the younger ladies AT AN EARLY AGE. So the cycle repeats.
As a man, I can hide almost anything from a woman for a year, A YEAR!! IF she gets too close, most of us have enough game to PUT HER BACK IN THE PLACE WHERE WE WANT HER……don’t go through it in 2010 ladies. Give the courtship time to mature or metastasize…you will not be sorry.
“A man can make a lie live for at least a Year!” To this I say, “A man THINKS his lie is living.” It is just on the 365th day when it’s brought to his attention that the woman knows. Women know the truth before the lie is even born. Now, I used to think that love was blind, but as I got older and wiser, I realized that love is not blind. Love is very visible and evident. However, just as the Holy Spirit and the devil both have sweet voices, so does love and hate. Women are naturally forgiving and nurturing creatures, but don’t mistake that for being oblivious to “dirty dog” tendencies. Women are not oblivious…women know what’s going on, whether good or bad. The question women should ask is, “Can I live with the bad?” If so, great…keep working at the friendship/relationship. If not, don’t settle…move around. I agree…Time spent on maturing a courtship is important, so that at the end of the day (as it moves to long-term or marriage), the woman will not be surprised or caught off guard by crazy or unimaginable behaviors because “she already knows what she got”!!
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ReplyDeleteI'll have 2 agree with Shakgee. In some cases the woman knows the lie and it's up 2 her 2 confront the Man. Now that being said, I'm sure my "player in his day blogger" has told a lie 2 a female and it lasted for the time said. There are stupid women out there just like there are stupid men so what he's saying is true. It could be a small lie or big lie. This could be caused by many things. Some women, for fear of losing the "dirty dog" tend 2 put up with it like Shakgee said. But I do feel him on this because we as men see it everyday. It's interesting that he chose a year for the lie, and that he chose the man as the lier. We all know that the women are the masters of this. I'm sure we've all heard about woman faking "lying" about orgasims!!! What bigger lie is it than that?
ReplyDeleteMy commentary is not about me. This is what I have observed over years. I have 4 sisters, many female cousins and a host of female friends that have been victim to this. No matter how much I have tried to uncover the deceit, they ignore what they see. This commentary speaks to this.
ReplyDeleteI have to agree to some sort of degree...women who know that their men are telling lies and continue to deal with it, is only creating a bigger problem. If they don't confront them in the beginning, does it really make any sense for them to confront them in the end? And if the answer to that question is "yes" then the next question is "Why"? Think about it...you have accepted this man for who and what he is (which is a lier), so why are you going to try to change him? Now if you want to confront him in the beginning, a woman has to stand her grounds and not let him "wiggle" his way out of it. Call him out on it and let him know that there are concequences for his lies. But my question is why would a man continue to lie, if he knows that he has a woman who trust him anyways?
ReplyDeleteMY, MY, MY...There's so much to say on this one that I really don't know if I wanna put my two cents in but I'll attempt to say something. First, I agree with Trent (to some extent) and I know exactly where he's coming from with this one. However, I also agree with Shakgee because it is true that a true woman (mature and is very capable of deciphering game codes) does know when she's being lied to. But I want to say that, confronting a person about their deceitful ways at the beginning of the relationship isn't always the answer. I would have to say that if you give a person (not just a man) enough time and the benefit of the doubt and also show them that you are willing to trust them, they will tell you the truth if you show them that you are ready to take the relationship to the next step. If that person loves you or even likes you enough, they will feel convicted within their spirit to be open and honest with you. If that's not the case, then by all means, move around because that person is not worth your time. But this goes beyond love being blind and all that jazz. It stems from our parents and their parents before them doing what they had to do to make their relationship work for whatever reason. Back in the day, the divorce rate wasn't nearly as high as it is now. Not saying that infidelity and lying didn't exist back then, I'm saying that people put up with more back then for the sake of marriage. I know many older people that for what ever reason stayed in a relationship simply because they felt they had to because they made a vow before God. They stayed in the relationship enduring lying, cheating, backbiting, etc. for so many years that they didn't know any other way. Some folks put up with children being born outside of their marriage, their spouse having a whole different wife and children on the other side of town and all of that. Some of those folks put up with so much nonsense from their spouses that they prayed nonstop. If you talk to them, many of them will tell you, "Baby, I was just doing the right thing by standing by my man." Nowadays, folks ain't having that. They can't see standing by while the other person is out there doing their thing, which to me is understandable. Why endure such atrocities when you could be so much happier with someone more compatible to you? Some people today are forever searching for something better. People are wanting (craving) instant satisfaction and if the other person isn't their ideal mate, they instantly find a way to get rid of them. Yes, there are women out there who will willingly hook up with someone who really isn't being totally honest with them, some of these women have self-esteem issues and figure he's better than having no man at all. However, majority of these women are trying to see how long the lie will go on and until the truth is revealed, she's willing to have fun while she waits. So, she's not blind to the lie, she's just waiting to see when it all will be revealed. Trent, a lot of women will say, "I just want to get what I can out of him before I drop his butt!" That's the mentality of a lot of women: what's in it for me. They are willing to deal with the BS as long as there is something in it for them. So Trent, don't think that the women in your family and your female associates didn't hear you, most of them just have their own agenda and are not revealing that to you. I would also like to say that just because someone is a liar, cheater, whoremonger, or what have you, it is not a reason to IMMEDIATELY write them off. Like I said, if he or she is truly the one you want to be with, give them that chance to come clean and maybe you will have found your ideal mate, the ying to your yang.
ReplyDeleteNicely stated K, this is what my blog is all about...giving us someting to think about from other perspectives. I learned today!
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