The problem is this: Everyone is always saying, “The problem is…”

The problem is this: Everyone is always saying, “The problem is…”


In the world of Trent I would make speaking this phrase punishable by death or dismemberment.

Ok, maybe a little too strong. I would at least make it punishable by solution. If the phrase had a speaker, that speaker would be made to offer a concise suggestion for solution. I have been hearing this phrase, “The problem is…” since I was able to decipher what words those around me were speaking. I still hear it often without the beneficial follow up that starts with, “This is what needs to be done to fix it….”

Many, many problems and very little solutions. In many instances, solving the problem creates more problems and to some that is either profitable or a hindrance to their current meal ticket. Make sure you know where that that you trust are as it pertains to either of these situations. Do we really want to solve issue plaguing our community or are we too afraid to call the people out that assist the problem in its fight to live in perpetuity? The mere mention that a problem exists causes those that create the issue to draw arms or at least show their sharp tongue. I know, it used to be me!

• Currently 1 out of 4 black children are born to a single parent.(Out-of-Wedlock Births in Black America) THIS IS A PROBLEM! Mention it as such and the people that are having multiple babies without the benefit of a two parent household will attack you instead of having effective dialogue and action aimed to solve the issue. My observations point to Black Men being the assholes that are really pretending as if a woman good enough to have your child is not good enough to marry. How’s that working out for you brauh? How can she be entrusted to nurture and bring to adulthood your most precious asset and not be good enough to marry? Shame on you brother!! Currently our welfare system encourages, by pay, our young women to have children without the benefit of planning and/or self-supplied financial wherewithal to bring this child into the world. THIS IS A PROBLEM!

• Currently some young man is leaving his parents home with his pants down to his knees and his underwear exposed to the world. That parent said nothing but, “That’s the style.” THIS IS A PROBLEM. He now knows that his parent(s) will cosign for his misdeeds and awful decisions.

• Our politicians would rather give a mother 21 years of welfare and make her a consumer of the workers wealth than to offer free tuition for 2 years of college and make her a tax-payer that eventually pays into the system. She would then have a greater chance of becoming self-sufficient and the tax-payers would not only be off the hook for supporting her for the next 21 years, she would then be adding value to her community and nation as a paying member of the taxed. It would no longer be support and would become an investment. THIS IS A BIG PROBLEM THAT OUR “PLOTITICIANS” don’t really want solved. People that are prosperous and diligent in taking care of themselves need little governing.

• Black children are increasingly being taught that they don’t have to learn to master the English language and that Ebonics is a socially acceptable form of communicating. Not so in the world of commerce and business. Somehow we let someone legitimize bs! THIS ONE IS A REAL SOURCE OF AGONY FOR ME! It is not cute when your child cannot speak! The check writers usually understand English and the check cashers sometimes need not.

• We have let our children believe that the “hood” belongs to them! What! Children and grown folks alike are claiming property that WILL NEVER BELONG TO THEM! In most cases it is subsidized property belonging to those that ALLOW this behavior in order to continue eating from that meal ticket. BUY YOUR HOME and then you can call it YOUR hood! THIS ONE WILL PISS OFF A LOT OF PEOPLE. It is not your hood if you do not own the property.

• For generations, the same people have enjoyed the benefit of our vote. Problem is we are still the same poor or poorer than when Grandma and Big Mama cast that vote for the same people. Insanity is continuing to cast that vote for these people and expecting something different to happen. THIS IS A PROBLEM. Other people tie their votes to their finances and make their representatives accountable if their financial standing changes. As a race of people we do not. I was poor four years ago when I voted for you, I should personally be doing better or you will not get my vote again.



I could go on for days, weeks, months…you get the picture. To fix and issue or problem it must first be identified as a problem. We have to quit telling our children that these issues and others are not problems in order to save face. I tell my daughter ALL of the crap that I did and thought in my younger years. I let her know that these were mistakes that are not to be continued by her or her brother. I let her know that I did it and the egg is on my face. Now what good would it do to save that kind of face?

Our solution is to call a problem a problem, then and only then can we get it fixed. Your house will flood if you think the hole in the roof is not an issue. The next generations really need no help from us telling them what the problem is without our wisdom in helping them to solve it.

Children are part of the breakup too

It is common knowledge, if not cultural knowledge, that children should be seen and not heard. Children need to stay in their places. Children need to know their roles. Indeed they do, but………

What are their roles when their parent’s relationship dissolves? Should they be made to observe and respect different sets of rules as they visit the perspective parents? People rarely give great consideration to a child or children that are going through as much or more than the adults during a breakup. While the adults have unceremoniously moved on to the next portion of their lives, the kids are left wandering in the netherworld that is between live's of adults.

How does that child really understand to respect the rules of both houses when they diametrically oppose one another? If bedtime was at 9 when Mom and Dad were an item and now bedtime is 7 at Dad’s because his new relationship requires it, what does that create in that child’s psyche? They are usually left feeling like something or someone was chosen over them and/or their sensibilities.


I trust that that any responsible parent would understand that the “new” rules that are brought upon the child are inconsistent with the child’s upbringing to that point. Many parents fall behind the less complicated thinking of, “The child must obey the rules of the house.” It is substantially MORE complicated than just that. Is this really fair to the child that did not contribute to the breakup? Is this fair to the child that has not moved on as the parents have and should that child be allowed ample time to process this before the parent enters into a new relationship? Is this fair to the child that is heavily leaning on the relationship that they share with both parents to get through the breakup?

Should the comfort that comes with consistency be a factor in ANY decision a parent makes? YES. By no means should that child not be made to follow the rules of the homeowner supplying a roof over the child's head. In saying that, I also acknowledge that the parent of that child should make sure that those rules are consistent with what the child has been reared to be accustomed to. This is the least a good parent can do for their most precious asset before moving on to their new life. Keep this in mind: the child is not OK with the breakup and usually has to suffer the portion of inconsideration. No one considered the child’s input in whatever caused the relationship to fail, nor should they. But they should consider what the breakup is doing to the child and how to best supply comfort in a trying time. Children know when this is not happening; they usually know this and feel it, trust me. It usually manifests itself in some form in the near future, again TRUST ME!

Such issues are a portion among others that grown-ups often fail to give attention to that cause many nights of separated parental drama (better known as baby-mama or baby-daddy drama). There are two sides to every story and usually both sides are proclaiming moral superiority. Often my friends are disgusted with me because I will not side with them when not knowing both sides of an issue. I tend to academically think things through instead of offering myself to their emotion. This pisses people off and I cannot figure out why(sarcastically). Because we are friends does not make the righteous side of an issue yours. I find that there are usually two wrong sides and the most righteous part of the equation lives somewhere between the two.

Our children didn’t ask to be a part of this world, but they are. Since they are, they deserve some love, consistency, support, and some manner of consideration when YOU decide to move on.