I hear and read about women that are stuck in neutral because of some bad experience or relationship with a person of the opposite gender. I am often left asking why this is. It is as if some women are hard-wired to seek out the worst among us so that they may have wonderful excuses for their ineptitude. He broke my heart so I have to remain bitter for the rest of my existence, He will not take care of his child so I cannot move forward. He is in jail so I have to retard my progress in life to support his incarceration; all of the good men are married or gay. So many excuses and so little guidance from the older generation are frankly hurting the next batch of men that are brought up by single mothers.
First of all, you chose him usually knowing his shortcomings and with open eyes looking at his horrible future. Did you not think that he would try to make you a part of his plan? Again, behind almost every good man is a good woman driving his success or behind most bad men are women supporting their failures. Did you really do your part to drive his successes? This was the man you chose right? I would wager your choice was not to help him fail in life, right?
You cannot expect that every man that you meet will be a Prince. There are many frogs that need to be kissed. The issue is that many of the frogs are getting more than kisses. I think it is high time that the focus be put on the learned lesson achieved from negative experiences and relationships. ALL LESSONS COST YOU SOMETHING! It is important that you do not let the lesson cost you your dignity; it is often the last thing you have left to sell and ironically the most costly. Funnier still is that the dignity that is so costly usually is given at a cheap price and the stock on it never again rises.
I would love to see more women passing on the knowledge learned to the next generation of ladies. I would hate for my daughters prospects in life to be limited by her mother’s excuses and complaints about a man. I would hope that she would be taught that she succeeded and survived despite the fall. Her story would say that there are good men out there; they just want a good woman. Despite your experiences, are you a woman that a man with choices would choose to date? Have you overcome instead of being overcome? Have you exposed your sores to the world or did you clean, bandage, and work diligently to heal them.
I don’t want to date a woman with stab wounds still open from her last fight, oops I mean relationship, sorry. I really don’t want to hear her excuses and stories about her “baby-daddy’s sorry ass”. I want to know that she was resilient enough to not let any of that stop her and that she can get past the pitfalls of life. That is a woman that I would want to find, date, and spend the rest of my life with. Often in the animal kingdom only the strongest and most resilient get to pass on their seed. If only human beings were the same way!
Move on past the bad and talk no more about it unless you are educating another about getting past it and prospering in life. Too many times have I watched the life being sucked out of young women because no older woman would let her know that the stop sign in her life meant to look both ways before crossing and not to cut the car off and park. We need more sisters to get this across to them, REAL TALK.