Tuesday, June 22, 2010
Men are never at a point where we naturally want to be monogamous. Not many men can get to a point where they DON’T want to cheat. There are some, no, many which are just plain shallow and empty. Recognize that these will never be men and walk on by. There are also the men out there that are unfulfilled and others that are just plain unhappy. Many conversations and commentaries focus on why men cheat. I want to focus on what happens to make a man not cheat.
First and foremost he has to be a man! Fulfillment in all aspects of a relationship can make a man very happy and wanting more of that woman. The aspects are many and the scenarios are even more as the strokes are different for different people. A man must want to come home to what it is that makes his heart thump. This thing or these things will not be the same for every man and there must be a REAL understanding as to what this is! Simple Example: If football is his thing, make sure that you are able to support his thing. Don’t pretend to be into what he is into to have the rug taken from underneath his feet one day. Understand that WHATEVER his thing is, IS his thing. Men that don’t cheat tend to have women that understand that before any rings are exchanged. Contemplate truly if his thing can find a place in your life before committing to any relationship! I expect that there is enough imagination in each reader to know how to take the example and relate it to WHATEVER his thing may be.
Make his castle just that! Keep in mind the A king hardly leaves A castle and the peasants try everything to alleviate themselves of their surroundings. Kings subjects recognize this and consider it special to see him. Make the home the most comfortable place in the world for him to be in! Know when to be quiet and let him enjoy his castle. EVERYTHING is not worth arguing or talking about at that moment! Many cheaters get run into the street by the monster-wife/girlfriend residing in their home.
Men that don’t cheat view their significant other as an asset that appreciates with age instead of an investment that depreciates as it gets older. Be a house and not a car! Find out how you can make him better and help, not push, him into that direction with encouragement. We all want a woman who makes us a better man. Evaluate each year where you were and what you both did to make the other better in the last 365 days. Spinning our wheels with a women leads to nowhere! Pick him up after failure and give him the encouragement to try again to be successful instead of CRUSHING HIS DREAMS! There is another out there that will.
Understand that there are many women that have identified him as a man and they lie in wait on you to make mistakes with that man. Know what you have and act like you have what you have. Show him by action that you know what you have and you intend to make his life exciting enough that other women pale in comparison. Men love women that work out (We want an attractive women that other guys want), look good, behave with dignity, and know how to act according to the occasion. Her mind is open and she is strong enough to continue to be a girlfriend! Find a way to remember why you got together in the first place and keep it on your mind…ALWAYS!
Ultimately ALL men are conditioned to want to cheat. Men that don’t cheat really contemplate the worthiness of cheating and come to the “HELL NO” conclusion. We are not perfect but we do want to be able to want to go home and want to know that no other woman holds a candle to what I have at home, at least for me! ALL men don’t cheat. I promise you that. Men really want it all at home and can be happy if (2)the castle is right, (3)the woman knows what she has and acts like it, (4)she tries her best to look her best, and (5)she KNOWS what his thing is and respects and nourishes it. Number one for me is she has to have an understanding of God’s plan for her life and ours together. She must be able to embrace that and know both her and her man's places in that plan. I do understand that we all don’t believe the same thing and that one piece was just my most important.
If you know your man is happy, you don’t have to ask him. I could write about this one all day but it is a blog and I need to be brief.
Friday, June 4, 2010
I recently had a conversation with a very dear loved one about the man in her life. They were really having major problems regarding the direction of leadership in their rather new relationship. Her life wasn’t going in a prosperous direction and many mistakes had been made. Previously, she had been asking and praying to God to bring a man into the lives of her and her children. In the past she had dealt with adult children disguising themselves as men. These relationships always came to less than positive ends.
God answered her prayer and sent a man to her. This man was not without some damage and not without some issues, but, he was a MAN. HE had learned from his major mistakes and was in the midst of turning his life into something that he would be proud of…if only he could find a woman to grow with and grow for. He was now her protector in more than just the physical sense of the word. He wanted to also protect her from people and things that had caused his life to move toward self-created storms. She was too close to her own situation to see her mountains. Not knowing they existed prohibited her from trying to climb and overcome them. Ever wonder why you can’t see the warts on your own face? It allows others to be a part of your improvement!
In undue time, their relationship faltered! You see, what she asked God for maybe more than she was really ready for. A woman who has never had a MAN has a hard time recognizing and having one. She must learn to have a man. A man tends to do things that a woman devoid of a man is not used to. He may work to help her to remove things, people, habits, and practices that are detrimental to her life and existence. This is something that she will not be accustomed to. In her eyes she has done a good job at this before the man she so diligently asked for arrived. The proof is in her “great and wonderful life” before he arrived. If that works for you dear, keep doing what you will and stop asking for a man. With this man there will come positive change. This will be the indicator that this is the MAN that God has sent to you and for you.
In speaking of this woman who wants a man, those people that mean her harm will be reluctant to continue to be in her life, and those negative things that she held so dear will become wilted in the presence of a real man. When she is not ready for what she asked for she will only be able to see the MAN as attempting to “run” her. She will not be able to deal with his issues, as if she has none that he has to look past. She should not try to make him perfect, and he will deal with the issues that her past life has given to her that make her imperfect. Did you hear that? You are not perfect so do not act as if you are doing this man a favor by being in his life with ALL of your issues. Many times she has been doing a terrible job at running herself before his arrival. Her so called friends will be turned off at the sight and actions of a real man who really cares for her. God will answer your prayers! Just make sure you are ready to have them answered.
I told my loved one that she needed to remember that what is for her is for her. This man is not for the enjoyment, support, or approval of your “friends”. You know if he is leading you and your household in the direction in which it needs to proceed. YOU KNOW! God never promised you that it will be perfect. It usually is not perfect for you see the MAN that he sends NEEDS you also. Have you ever thought that God placed him with you for his own good as well as yours? Bring God’s plan to demise at your own peril. When you drop to your knees again to ask God for a “good man” again, really think about the possibility that you had him already. Did you do your part to make him all he could be? Did you think that maybe you were the answer to his request of God? God’s plans work for the good of ALL things not just your things. Be a part of the plan and be ready for what HE sends to you. Just as well, be better prepared to be a good steward of what he send to you to nurture and improve and to help…That MAN!
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
In this life things are quite often not what they may seem. Death is not always the taker of life but can sometimes be the giver of new life and inspiration. Freedom can be a burden to one who has been incarcerated physically or mentally. Sudden great wealth can create a longing for the simpler days of less responsibility and less dependence. It is said the inventions are created because of necessity and not always because of idealistic capitalism.
In all that I previously stated there were messages that could potentially be hidden from the unclothed thought. I learned some time ago that a message is just that, a message. I have gotten a wealth of intuition and knowledge from messages that other people have forsaken because of its source. My father taught me as a youth to LISTEN intently to what ALL people say. “You don’t want to miss the message of even a fool. Even the message of a fool has some power and in not hearing it you lose your power.” This was one of his many teachings to me. I know that many of my contemporaries miss vital messages from friend and enemy because they hate the deliverer or the circumstance.
Have you ever thought about the change in history had the right people been listening, instead of ignoring, when Hitler first became a public figure. How much can we learn about ourselves by listening to the way our so called enemies perceive us? Do you really believe the Devil got to be powerful because of his ignorance to God’s messages and ways? Is everything that an enemy says about you wrong, really? I think that careful introspective looks into ones existence can provide a window into what needs to be changed. For some people placing a message in a book is the best way to make sure it lives a clandestine life. Countries that hate one another have learned that listening precisely to the meassages of their enemies gives great power. Spying, is what their enemies call it. To the country that is doing the listening, it is called INTELLIGENCE.
I have watched as people pay more attention to the Pastor than the message. I shutter when thinking about the wonderful messages that Tupac Shakur’s music disseminated when I think of all of the people that will never hear his voice. Why, because they did not like him or hip-hop. The same can be said about the beautiful music that the Beatles made, many of it missing those that love hip-hop. The messenger is never important. It is always about the message. The message from those that you hate is as important and sometimes more important than the message from those that you love. Be very careful to open up your ears, mind, and heart to those things that make you uncomfortable. In doing so you will intellectually and emotionally learn how to accept or reject the rhetoric from others. Most importantly you will learn to reinforce your arguments and organize your thought instead of raising your voice in ignorance. Sometimes tragedy births opportunity. Make sure you are able to see it coming. Be careful to not miss the message because you dislike the messenger.