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Tuesday, September 28, 2010

The greatest thing to take into a relationship: The ability to walk away!

In growth there is change. This change is subtle yet extreme. Every organism that exists is hard wired to put forth it’s the best effort toward attracting a mate. What you see to attract you is often the very best of what attracts you has to offer. Of course this is not always true as some things and situations improve with time, when the minor issues are ignored, most don’t! What you see is often what you get. Unfortunately, many times we neglect to analyze what it is our eyes actually see.

We ignore the disgusting habits that will slowly rip the interwoven cloth of a relationship. In blind love or lust we try to achieve some other unstated goal that will at best blow away with time. You ignore the spending because most of it is on you. You ignore the horrible cooking because she is really attractive and it’s not that great an issue…now that is. You try not to give too much attention to the way he treats other women in his life because he doesn’t do that to you (or any other woman in the beginning). You ignore the lack of ambition because the other person has money for now. You pay little attention to the fights and arguments because the makeup is pretty awesome. As time continues to move, the things that you ignored have matured and now they desire ALL OF THE ATTENTION.

The issue with this is that the maturation of these issues was fed by your lack of ability to walk away. Now that these issues have reached adulthood, other parts of the relationship have taken your power of choice away. Mentally, financially, psychologically, and sometimes physically you have completely woven yourself into a person or situation that analysis could have proven the wrong move for your life. You have not the mental makeup to move on, you have not given enough attention to your finances to be able to leave a very bad situation, you have not psychologically prepared your life for separating yourself from a doomed relationship, or you have not physically taken care of yourself enough to feel that you can attract another.

I have always told my wife that she needed to be in a position where she could take care of herself and her personal situations without me. I have made it my point to help her get there. You see I like the fact that she wants me to be in a relationship with her much more that she needs me mentally, financially, psychologically, or physically. I have no idea what is in store for me around God’s next corner and I have always had a need for her to be able to handle things without me.

Some people find comfort in their thinking that their significant other cannot be prosperous in life without them. Some people love that they have beaten their other half down psychologically or mentally. It gives them the ability to abuse the situation. The perfected situation that allows one to have extra-relation activities is the feeling that your significant other has no other place to go. It is the perfect storm for an abusive and adulterous situation. Having more children than you can afford, lacking a skill and knowledge, being fiscally ignorant, and creating ungodly and unnecessary debt are just a few circumstances that can cause one to feel they are tied to very bad situations and even worse people.

My wife maintains the ability to walk away from our relationship. I would have it no other way. It is, in part the engine that drives me to be a better spouse, friend, father, and lover. I know that she does not need to be there and that sends me to the gym, keeps me constantly looking for ways to advance in my career, it also lets me know that someone else would love to step into the situation and take advantage. I am not going anywhere! The greatest asset that she has to keep me a great partner is her ability to leave my foolishness behind; therefore, I try my best to make sure I act according to the way a man is supposed to.

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