Tuesday, December 7, 2010
How do you know that you love? Here is the definite definition!
Many people get the emotion of love very confused with the very real action of love. The two are different and distinct. The emotion of love can be being fleeting, cautionary, and often not authentic. The action of love only knows authenticity and cannot be any of the above for it endures because of the action itself.
I define love as this: The action of willingly giving to another that thing or those things that can hurt you the most for no other reason than to actively seek their happiness or their salvation.
Think about that. That thing or those things that can hurt you the most! It is to make yourself totally vulnerable to another for no other reason than to actively seek their happiness or salvation (whatever that may mean to you). That is much to think about when unpacked. It means that the person you have professed to love is the one that you shared your most secret secrets with, the one that you exposed all of your ugliness to, the one that you gave the extreme pains of your life to, the one person that can absolutely destroy you by what they know, have witnessed, or have the ability to steal.
If these things were not part of the deal, you really never loved that person. You see, what makes love a complicated terror in the lives of people is the fact that you must expose your vulnerabilities to others to actually be an involved party to it. It is what it means to love another. Some people are together and they assume that they love one another because of the emotional feeling, but do they really? Can they REALLY be totally honest with the person that they proclaim to love? Can they trust the object of their loving action to be as vulnerable and honest about their life ordeals with them? Do they have the ability to hold that persons well being, future, and livelihood in their hands? Can they be trusted? Can YOU?
Love will make you share these vulnerabilities even when you know that your actions will cause you to be persecuted or wronged by the actions of the person you love. This kind of love is unconditional and hardly found outside of a familial relationship. Parents and family love in this way. They give what is most precious to them to those they know are not worthy of trust. Why? It is the sacrifice of real love and at one time or another we will all pay it to a family member. That sacrifice is again giving the things that cause us the most pain to others for no other reason than to actively seek their happiness and or salvation. Many times this is done when we previously know the outcome to be disastrous.
I notice that the majority of people that I know that say they cannot find true love have a wall of protection built around them to hide their vulnerabilities and weaknesses from the entire world. That wall is built by their wits, their words, and often their keen eye for what is wrong with everyone else’s relationship. They don’t realize that connecting humanely with another person on a level attained because of love requires that they exposed themselves to another person and allow that person to share their vulnerabilities with them. That is love.
Soften that shell and let someone in. This is not a promise that you will not be hurt. It is a promise that knowing that pain is part of a life of love. If my vulnerabilities are to be exposed so that I may know that I have had a chance at love…SO BE IT! I will not live my life without as much as a taste of real love! I have exposed my darkest secrets to the woman that I love and she absolutely has the ability to assassinate my future and expose my scabs for the world to see. She has done the same for me. I promise to protect her vulnerabilities with my life even if we depart our relationship. Why? Because I love her!