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Thursday, January 14, 2010

Are you a GOOD enough woman to find a GOOD man?

I am constantly earhustling conversations among women that I know. I listen to my wife and her single friends, my sisters, my cousins, and co-workers whenever I can. Maybe I am nosey, or as I like to think of it inquisitive with the purpose of assisting to help with a solution. There IS a shortage of GOOD men, especially in the African-American community. This is sad but true.

Although this is the case, notice, I said shortage, not drought. Often women think that all they have to do is be a woman and to pray and God will send that GOOD man their way. NO! Your prayer must be synonymous with your action because faith without action is dead. There are things that you can do to be a part of God’s plan to bring a good man into your life, IF, this is what you want. Please don’t remind me or get mad at me, I KNOW SOME OF YOU, “DON’T NEED NO DAMN MAN!” OK, this is not meant to you or for you. Lay down to sleep with all of your accomplishments and your belongings, I’m sure they bring you joy. Now that we have that out of the way, here is a concise list of things that may offer help:

1. Listen to what God is telling you
3. Stop looking in places where the bad men are
4. Become interesting
5. Stop concerning yourself with what other people say about you, it is none of your business
6. The packaging does not make the gift
7. Stop trying to make a good man THE perfect man…..that guy is gay
8. Stop looking FOR the man that has it and look AT the man that has the capacity to get it with the help of a good mate

We will deal with these issues one by one in a short amount of time (I know people don’t want to read a book). First, listen intently to what God is telling you. There is no God of fear and God does not promise you will not withstand some pain. I have no idea what it is that God is telling you, but I encourage you to listen and discern this from what the devil says.

Next, No GOOD man wants to be with a BAD woman. Only a bad man wants to be with a bad woman. Pause and let that soak in! (Jeopardy game show music music)……Again, No GOOD man wants to be with a BAD woman. Only a bad man wants to be with a bad woman. I have no idea what your standard of good is; I will leave that to you. I will say that you will find a man that is to your standard if you stay there. Most good men are always forwardly moving to something….God, better life, better knowledge, increase in whatever it may be. This man does not want a woman that is not traveling to something better also. Are you a good enough woman to attract a man that can take you along for this ride?

Stop looking for YOUR prince in the pauper’s palace, He won’t be there. This is not to say there are no good men in the places you frequent, but you know from your experiences that they are not looking for Mrs. Right in some of the less desirable places where people of little depth are OFTEN spotted. Go to the museum, take a class, visit the library, take advantage of dancing lessons, go to church functions instead of just going to church, join professional organizations, become a community activist, volunteer, step out of your comfort zone and LEARN something new. I promise you that good men are thinking along these same lines.

Become a more interesting person. Interesting people have interest. Interesting people act on those interest (See the last paragraph). Have something that intrigues a man that you can talk about other than constantly communicating physically. Invite him to your interest. Most women that say that can’t find a man have no interest. If you think I am not truthful, ask 4 of your friends that have a hard time finding a man this question, “What are your interests?” Most will look at you with a blank stare, try it.

Stop being concerned with what other people say about you. They do not define your happiness. WHAT OTHER PEOPLE SAY ABOUT YOU IS NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS! If you are happy, your situation makes you happy, and God blesses this situation, why do you care about the chatter?

The package that God sometimes sends gifts in is not always pretty. There are some very good brothers out there that don’t get a shot at what he can be because he doesn’t drive the car, or make the money, or dress appropriately. Does he love God? Will he love you? Will he be a good father? Will he be a good provider? If he is not the package, maybe he needs a good woman to be the ying to his yang….are you her?

Stop trying to make the man what you want him to be, he is what he will be. Stop trying to stop him from spending ALL of his time with you, only gay men and men with self-confidence issues do this. Stop trying to dress him according to your fashion sense, only gay men and men with self-confidence issues that lack backbones will allow this. Stop trying to PERFECT him and think about WHY you are trying to perfect him (see paragraph on what people say about you). Leave God’s creature alone if he is a good man. Recognize what you have before someone else does.

The last thing is to stop looking at what he has, it’s not yours. Look at the man that can get it with you, that will be yours forever. Some brothers just need a good woman to be a good man, I am one. I am full of fault and God and I am working on me. I hope Connie continues to have patience knowing that……………One day, I too shall be a GOOD man.


  1. Hey Trent, your blog is right on target. I just want to add that we women have to work on ourselves before we can even attempt to find the "Good" man for us. I am a firm believer that you can't look for anymore than what you are. I have told my daughter and nieces, time and time again, no man wants a woman that has nothing to bring to the table other than her stomach. I have always preached to them that you have to have your own before you go after a man. I believe that relationships work out for the best when both parties have brought something to the table. But I believe more so that a woman should be able to do for herself before she asks someone to do for her. If you (ladies) don't know how to take care of yourself physically, emotionally, financially, spiritually, etc., then how do you expect a "Good" man to come along and provide those things for you? If you don't know what it takes to make you happy, how the heck is he supposed to know? We have to look to God and within ourselves to find out what makes us happy and hop to it! Don't sit around waiting for the Knight in Shining Armor to show up. I'm reminded of the Bible story of the man laying at the fountain. He laid there waiting for the Angel to come and trouble the waters, hoping that someone would get him to the waters so that he could be healed. Jesus saw the man, knowing his affliction, asked him “Wilt thou be made whole?” The impotent man answered him, Sir, I have no man, when the water is troubled, to put me into the pool: but while I am coming, another steppeth down before me. Jesus saith unto him, Rise, take up thy bed, and walk. And immediately the man was made whole, and took up his bed, and walked: and on the same day was the Sabbath (John 5: 1-9). Many women have this same mentality, we are waiting on someone to put us in the pool. But God is saying, GET UP!!! If you have the faith, you can achieve what you desire! Quit waiting on someone to put you in the pool! Take up your bed of financial woes, old relationships that went wrong, feelings of unworthiness, feelings of hopelessness, self-pity, ignorance, stupidity, unlawfulness, greediness, pride, etc.; take up that bed with all of that mess we’ve been wallowing around in, and GET UP AND WALK! WALK INTO YOUR DESTINY, LADIES!!!!!

  2. Thank you K. You are on piont as usual. You led me to the biblical reference....reading now, that's always a good thing.

  3. Hello Trent, I found your blog after a post on FB about the SHHS Alumni Weekend. This topic is one that has been on my mind the past few months. I am single again after getting divorced last year. I have spoken with several people gathering their thoughts on the topic and also found that there are not a lot of opportunites for Christian singles to fellowship. Not that we cannot go to movies, concerts, etc, but after divorce, there is a need to enlarge your social circle to include other singles and there are not a lot of groups dedicated to the social aspect of being a Christian single. I recently had a discussion with my pastor about the topic and really feel that God is leading me to do something in that area. He posed a question to me that every single woman should ask herself - not "is HE the one?". but "am I the one?" Am I exhibiting the characteristics of a Proverbs 31 woman? Am I carrying myself like a lady? Not just am I taking care of the everyday things of life, but does HE see me working in ministry?

    My prayer is that God continue to mold and shape me into the ONE for the HE that he has for me.

    Be Blessed!