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Wednesday, January 13, 2010

I am not PROUD of you for paying your child-support

I was talking with a guy in the gym who pays his child support. WOW! Among the usual lunch bums at the Y yesterday, we were having a casual conversation about life and relationships and he stated this 3 times, like he needed us to bestow credit upon him for this extraordinary feat. The moment I hear another sperm-donor, father, dad, pop, or baby-daddy tell me he pays child support, I will grow another arm out of the side of my head! UUGGGHHHH! YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO PAY CHILD SUPPORT IF THE CHILD IS YOURS! Stop acting like you deserve a badge for it.

Do you walk around telling people you breathe, “Man I breathe and take care of my lungs.” Will I ever hear you say that? Paying support to your child is what breathing is to lungs or the brain or the heart…..they need it to survive. I long for the days where children are supported even if the mother is “trippin”. What does that have to do with the welfare of the child? Fathers, do your part so that you are able to look that grown child in the eye and say, “I did ALL that

I was supposed to do financially, sometimes more and ALL that I could do lovingly.” Stop giving the mothers the power to say you did not. It aint cute Daddy. I see so many “baby-daddy’s” around looking “hood-clean” and even more often just clean, and the baby is at home with a mother struggling and doing God knows what to provide for a responsibility that should be shared.

My hats are off to single mothers. I had no idea what they went through until my first child was born. My wife can remember me crying as she was attempting to go to the bathroom, with my assistance, a day after my daughter was born. I could not fathom her having to do THAT simple task without my help. She seemed to be in so much pain. I appreciated her so much at that moment and thought to myself, “….millions of women in the world and THIS one decided to give her body to have MY baby.” To me it was spiritual and enlightening. At that moment, I could not understand a man not being supportive of his child AND THE MOTHER OF THAT CHILD.

Stop taking pride in doing what you are SUPPOSED to do fathers and start taking pride in going above and beyond. I am not proud of you for paying your child-support, you are supposed to! I am not proud of you for breathing, you are supposed to do that too!.............if you are not dead!


  1. Wow! Well said, my friend! You are exactly right on this one! I've heard that so many times, it just makes me sick. That fact is, I've been on both sides of this thing and I really don't see how some men can sit back and not do it. I had to pay child support myself for a little while (long story for my own blog, hehe) but I did it willingly. Even though I knew that the money may not have been spent the way I thought it should have been, I know that I did what I was supposed to do and not just because the courts said I had to. I knew that I would have to, as you said, look my Grown child in the eye one day and let her know that I did what I could spiritually (above all else, I prayed for her), physically AND financially. By telling her these things, it made her put some things into perspective. This was an example that she could follow; putting her child above all else and second behind God. These are things that some men need to think about: What type of example am I setting for my child? Am I showing my child that God comes first and then family next? Am I teaching my child that you have to be responsible for your actions (even if you don't like the baby's momma)? Some guys that feel PROUD of themselves for doing what they were supposed to do, need take a long hard look at themselves and think over some things. That is all.

  2. I had more to say, but I screwed the first post up. I will say that there is two sides to child-support, but there is only one label. We suffer because of that. We men are to do what we are called to do. Trent, I was where you were, looking at my wife and seeing what she went through and thinking that I need to give her my all. That's not the same as dealing with a scornful woman. Lets talk about us having to deal with a woman that's upset about not getting what she thought she was going to get. Lets talk about the woman that are upset about her bills are building up and the person that's living with her is not helping out. Lets talk about the women the screw up and try to come back into your life and if you don't let her back in, she's goes after you by putting you on support. Lets talk about the Bulls-Eye that's put on you because of child-support. Let's talk about why we have to keep explaining ourselves. Trent, don't let your good relationship with your wife blind you of what a lot of us have to go through. I CAN SEE WHY SOME MEN FEEL THEY HAVE TO TELL THE WORLD, BECAUSE THE WORLD IS CONSTANTLY REMINDING US OF IT.

    1. Its called life situations, yes there are women that can't except the fact that its over just like there are men. What ever the situation you made a child and it has to be supported and understand its not just about money children need LOVE, emotional support and parents so its important not to create division try to get alone with each other and don't fight in front of the children(putting them in the middle) do your part what done is done GET OVER IT.

  3. I'm glad you dropped this perspective Tony, I really hadn't thought along those lines. I think a new subject title is in order, thanks brother.

  4. Not a new title! Actually, Trent, what Tony has brought up is whole different blog. It is a very relevant blog and could really be discussed in depth. Mr. Tony has brought up some very valid points and I would love to see what else is to be said. Blog on, my brother!